This one’s for men only

March 15, 2014

I’m sorry because I may not be patriotic enough and my attitude might be even un-American because it seems to me the Oscars are a tempest in a teapot and much ado over nothing or almost nothing.

Of course, guys, I am referring to the Oscar presentations on TV.

I’m not really interested in what the starlets are wearing. In fact, I can’t tell a good gown from a bad gown. An Oscar de la Renta is as good as a Walmart dress as far as I am concerned.

More than half of what goes on I don’t understand or know anything about. I have seen a few of the movies, but not most of them. And then, I don’t know any of the people whose names are called in the thank-you portion. I think gratitude is wonderful except I don’t know any of these people.

If they want to eat pizza at the Oscars it is okay with me or if they want to have popcorn and Junior Mints.

Marlon Brando said all of this over a one foot statue and I kind of agree with that. I can get excited about watching the Super Bowl or the World Series or even the Final Four, but this Oscar stuff doesn’t get my engine running. And it seems like there is something nearly every week like the people’s awards and the country music awards and the critics awards and I’m not really interested in any of it.

It might be something in the genes or in the jeans or in the plumbing because it seems to me those who have ovaries do get more excited about what the ladies are wearing.

I don’t understand the red carpet stuff either. I guess this is where you walk on the way into the theater or the auditorium so people can take pictures and yell and scream something like – “You da man” – although I didn’t hear that. Oh, and that may be where the critics find out if you have a wonderful gown or an ugly one. Most of them looked okay to me.

I kind of liked the way Ellen presided with very little pretense. She teased some of the top stars and then took their picture with her cell phone and even served a few slices of pizza.

The part I liked was when they played “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” because I remember the Wizard of Oz and Judy Garland. So maybe this has something to do with birthdays as well as plumbing.

I don’t understand or appreciate most of the music, either. Gershwin I can dig and even some of the Beatles stuff, but not most of what I heard during the Oscar presentation.

So guys, just between you and me, let’s keep this our secret and don’t show this to your wife because frankly I can’t tell the difference between a designer gown and Minnie Pearl. On second thought, I think I can. Minnie Pearl still has the tag on her hat.

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