Me? Still scared? Afraid so

February 2, 2013

When I was a child, I was afraid of everything.

I was absolutely terrified to sleep in my own room by myself, and I’d cry to the point of almost hyperventilating if I was punished and sentenced to such a thing.

I slept in my brother’s room in bunk beds and twin beds until my mom finally bribed me with a pet rabbit to sleep in my own room. I won’t even tell you how old I was when that happened, because my brother would be humiliated. (I’m sure he spent several hours begging my mom to kick me out of his room for a number of years leading up to the grand event.)

Nothing ever happened to me when I was little to cause me to be so afraid of everything. It’s just who I was. Aw, who am I kidding? I’m still scared of everything. I didn’t stay at my own house by myself while my husband was out of town until I became a mother.

I’d always have my mom come stay with me! So knowing how scared I’ve always been, it didn’t come to much of a shock to me the first time that my daughter had a nightmare. I watched her on the video monitor and my heart broke. My husband went into her room and tried to console her, but she was inconsolable that night. After about an hour of trying everything, he finally lay down on her floor with her and went to sleep.

Since that night, she’s had a few more nightmares, and there is no way that I can sit back and just let her cry it out. I went into her room a few nights ago, and she was calling specifically for me. I picked her up and rocked with her in the chair, and she immediately fell asleep. I felt so sad for her, because I know that terrified feeling. I remember what it’s like to be a scared child (and adult). I would much rather her soothe herself back to sleep, but when she cries that hard and calls out for me, I just can’t resist but coming to her rescue.

My mom always came to my rescue when I was scared, and I’ll continue to do the same for Finley.

Even if she’s 28 years old and calls me to come stay at her house with her because her husband is out of town.

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